Hi! I'm Jocke! Wiiiiiiieeeeeee! ☺

Joakim Olsson - The Greatest Human Being That Ever Lived

This is the personal web page of Joakim Olsson (aka Jocke), the greatest and best person in the world. Jocke is not a gnu. This web page is among the most meaningful on the World Wide Web. When I talk about “free”, I most often talk about “free beer”. I'm not that liberal however. I do support the swedish alcohol monopoly.

I'm an ubergeek!

About Jocke

Full name	Joakim Valdemar Olsson
Alternate name	Jocke
Gender	Male
Born	Gregorian calendar September 25, 1988 Julian calendar DIES SOLIS PRID. ID. SEP. MMDCCXLI A.U.C.
Place of residence	Stockholm, Sweden at at 59 18 51 N, 18 03 57 E.
Occupation	Webführer of www.gnu.org Student Musician
First language	Swedish
Nationality	Swedish
Personality	Jocular Lazy Tolerant Troubled
Religion	Blasphemous Deist Humanist Emacsite Neo-pagan
Political ideologies, doctrines etc.	Contractualist Democrat Liberal democrat Liberal Classical liberal Cultural liberal Individualism Social liberal Socialist Democratic socialist Social democrat Environmentalist Green Infoanarchist Left-wing Progressivist Radicalist Reformist Republican Secularist Separation of church and state
Philosophical doctrine	Determinism Freethought Psychological egoist Rationalist

Countries I've Been to

Create your own visited countries map.

Photographs

The photograph on the top of this page is taken on my trip to Gates of Metal 2006.

I found a picture of me on the net that was so ugly that I broke out in excessive vomiting. If you use it to mock me, I will burn down the embassy of your country.

There's a picture of me wearing a Šajkača. I did not support Slobodan Milošević's war aggressions. I just think the hat is pretty cool. I also think that Viljuška in Lepa Sela Lepo Gore is cool.

I found a picture of me and some of my friends playing association football (soccer) that was very cool on the net. It looks like the picture is taken in Prypiat, in Chernobyl, in some Eastern European state, in the Soviet Union or some place like that. However, it is taken in Stockholm! The gravel football field and the ugly house in the background really makes it feel creepy or something. Not that Eastern Europe is creepy but Prypiat and Chernobyl is and the Soviet Union were. I'm the guy to the far left.

Music

Vinterns sorg

I've composed a song called “Vinterns sorg”. It's available as an abc file.

Tin whistle

I play the tin whistle. Soig's Plinn, Toss the Feathers and Heaton Chapel are three songs I've recorded. I'm just a beginner so don't be cruel.

Diverse

AACS encryption key

Here is the decryption key used for most HD-DVD movies:

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

I'm publishing it here because the MPAA is attempting to suppress public knowledge of it. DRM must be destroyed!

Ask al-Qaeda

You may ask al-Qaeda a question.

For Linux-newbies

Common Misunderstandings among Linux Newbies is a document I wrote which you maybe should read.

Objectivism versus Contractualism

Objectivism versus Contractualism is a philosophical dialogue I wrote since I have noticed some people arguing that taxation is theft.

Software

I only write and release free software.

GPL

Counter

Counter is a program which counts to a specific number and outputs the number of seconds it took.

Drunkard

Drunkard is a program which tells you how much of a certain alcoholic beverage you should drink to get a certain amount of alcohol in your body.

Joke

Joke is a program which prints a joke when executed.

Password

Password is a random password generator which generates a random password which is strong, safe and secure.

Telepathy

Telepathy is a mindreading program.

Contact

If you want to contact me, please send an electronic mail to jocke@gnu.org. You can also contact me via Internet Relay Chat. I'm currently known as Jocke on the freenode IRC network.

Important information regarding football hooligans

         Football hooligans!
     _        Fuck off!        _
    |_|                       |_|
    | |         /^^^\         | |
   _| |_      (| "o" |)      _| |_
 _| | | | _    (_---_)    _ | | | |_
| | | | |' |    _| |_    | `| | | | |
|          |   /     \   |          |
 \        /  / /(. .)\ \  \        /
   \    /  / /  | . |  \ \  \    /
     \  \/ /    ||Y||    \ \/  /
      \__/      || ||      \__/
                () ()
                || ||
               ooO Ooo

It's important to know that if you're a national socialist, a communist, a conservative, an islamist, a terrorist, a footballer or a football club supporter, you are probably welcome to contact me as long as you're not a fucking football hooligan. If you are one, please reconsider. I probably don't want to have any contact with you because you are so disgusting. I have developed a complex hatred of people like you. You could compare it to the same complex hatred Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold felt before the Columbine High School massacre.

To you few football hooligans who just fights against other voluntary football hooligans and never destroys public or private property however, you are probably welcome to contact me. However, you may think that I'm weird cause my lifestyle is very different from yours. You may find me hard to communicate with but you are probably welcome to give it a try! If you are an ordinary football hooligan however, please don't make any contact with me and I'll do my best not to make any contact with you.

Licensing

I, the copyright holder of this web page, hereby release it into the public domain. This applies worldwide.

In case this is not legally possible:
I grant any entity the right to use this web page for any purpose, without any conditions, unless such conditions are required by law.